So there's this story that I wanted to tell. Although it's a bit personal for me and my wife, Beverly, I wanted to tell it anyway because I found it pretty funny. I got the okay from Beverly to tell it, so here goes.
If you read my family blog, you will know that Beverly and I have two children, Kelsey and Roland. Kelsey recently turned two years old and Roland is almost eight months old. This story is about Roland and how I got punked out by my own son the other night.
A little bit of history on where I am coming from here. Beverly nursed Kelsey (meaning Beverly breast-fed Kelsey- I'm going to limit the b word here. Is that weird?). All went really well, so she decided to nurse Roland also. Kelsey was pretty attached to "natural" feeding, but didn't really give us much trouble when we switched her to formula. Roland on the other hand is on a completely different level. He REALLY likes for Beverly to feed him. He eats a lot more than Kelsey did. For instance, if something very minor gets him upset, it's time to eat. Any of you with babies know that it doesn't take much for a baby to start fussing or crying so there are times when Beverly is feeding Roland almost hourly. Another difference - Kelsey was very "gentle" when she ate. Not Roland. Beverly has to hold his arms so he doesn't beat her to death while he is eating. He seems to believe that Bev's "b-things" (that's just a silly way of wording it. oh well) are his and that he should be able to do whatever he wants.
So the other night we were traveling home from Sardis, MS. It's about a 45 minute trip from there to our house. Roland started crying from the moment we got out of the driveway. A few minutes later, crying turned in to screaming. We stopped somewhere and gave him some baby food, but he started screaming again as soon as we put him back in his carseat. So we decided to pull over again and see if it would help if Beverly fed him.
So Beverly moves to the back seat of our minivan, lays him down on her lap, and he starts to eat. I moved back there too to keep them company and to entertain my daughter.
That's when it happened. I've reran this in my mind several times and I've come to the conclusion that my son wanted to teach my wife a lesson. He wanted to teach her that he is the boss and she WILL listen when he tells her something (I'm visualizing my son in a sleeveless wife-beater t-shirt right now).
After a minute or two of eating, Roland sits up. And starts to move his head back and forth. Then he stands up and starts to move back and forth. He was a wild man! Hands all over the place, body swaying back and forth. All of this while still "hanging on" and eating. It was like he was saying, "All of this is mine. I own this." He seriously had something to prove. And it wasn't that he was hungry, because he didn't really eat much.
While this was one of the funniest sights I've ever seen, I have to admit it. It freaked me out. As a matter of fact, it freaked me out so bad that I had to move back to the front of the van and stop watching. My son did things to my wife that shouldn't be between a man and a woman outside of marriage! I have no idea what base he got to, but I'll guarantee that he got a lot further than the typical eight month old. I'm still a little bit freaked out just thinking about it and typing this blog post.
OK, enough of that. There was probably no value to you reading this story (is there value to ANY of my blog posts? Probably best not to ask). Some of my family are reading this right now and probably pretty mad at me for causing them to visualize Beverly and Roland in this scenario. Sorry about that. I'll move on to the regularly scheduled programming in subsequent blog posts.
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